Marlowe’s Snack Zone

Official Tangle & Trouble Recipe Disclaimer

Filed under: Chaos, Crumbs, and Caution

While all recipes found on this website have been tested, tasted, and occasionally exploded by fictional characters (and one very real teenager with a whisk and questionable judgement), please note the following:

These recipes are for entertainment purposes and snack-related joy only. If your jam tarts turn out more “abstract art” than “bake sale winner,” don’t blame Stubby. He’s just here for the crumbs.
We are not responsible for burnt fingers, sticky countertops, kitchen fires, suspiciously sentient cubes, or dogs who eat half the ingredients when no one’s looking. You know who you are.
Marlowe is not a trained chef. Her culinary philosophy is “add more jam and hope for the best.” Proceed accordingly.
Allergic to something? Check your ingredients. Substitutions are encouraged, but if you replace flour with glitter, you’re on your own.
If your cocoa gives you feelings, good. If it makes your kitchen floor permanently marshmallow-sticky, well… that’s sort of the point.

By using these recipes, you accept full responsibility for whatever delicious or disastrous chaos may follow.

You bake at your own risk. Stubby approves.

🐾 Now wash your hands and don’t forget the (real) snacks.

🐾 Stubby’s Actually Perfect Jam Tarts

(Because someone in this house needs to know what they’re doing)

Filed under: Culinary Excellence & Passive-Aggressive Baking Commentary

🛒 Ingredients

(Yes, Marlowe. You actually need these. No, you can’t just “wing it” with mustard.)

225g plain flour
125g unsalted butter (cold, cubed – not melted like last time, genius)
2 tablespoons caster sugar
1 egg yolk
2–3 tablespoons cold water
Jam of choice (strawberry, raspberry, or the mystery blob she once called “blackberry-ish”)

Optional: a biscuit offered to the supervising dog. Highly encouraged.

🍴 Equipment

Mixing bowl
Rolling pin (not a broomstick, Marlowe)
Tart tin or muffin tray
Spoon (yes, a clean one)
Cookie cutter (round. Not dinosaur-shaped. Learn from last time.)

🔧 Instructions

(Also known as: The Steps Marlowe Usually Ignores)

Step 1: Make the Pastry
In a bowl, rub the flour and butter together using your fingers, not a screwdriver, until it looks like fine breadcrumbs. Add the sugar.

Note from Stubby: Marlowe once used a fork taped to a whisk. I have no further comment.

Step 2: Bind It
Add the egg yolk and a splash of cold water. Mix with a butter knife or your hands until it forms a soft dough. If it’s too dry, add another tiny splash of water. Tiny, Marlowe. Not a bath.

Wrap in cling film and chill in the fridge for 20 minutes. Not in the sock drawer.

Step 3: Roll and Cut
Roll out the dough on a floured surface to about 3mm thick. Cut into rounds that fit your tart or muffin tray. Press gently into each case.

Stubby says: If she’d used the actual cutter instead of a compass and a bottle cap, we wouldn’t have had lopsided octagons.

Step 4: Add the Jam
Place half a teaspoon of jam in each tart. Half a teaspoon, not a full ladle. We remember the “Jam Volcano Incident of Tuesday”.

Step 5: Bake
Bake at 180°C (160°C fan) / 350°F / Gas mark 4 for about 12–15 minutes, until the pastry is golden and the jam is bubbling (but not erupting across the oven walls, again).

Cool slightly before removing from tin.

Stubby’s Tip: Let them cool before tasting. Burnt tongue = no more snacks.

Final Notes from the Canine Culinary Advisor:

Marlowe still insists she has “instincts,” which apparently means forgetting the sugar, overfilling the jam, and using me as a taste tester before they’ve cooled. I take no responsibility for what happens in that kitchen.

But when done right?
Flaky, golden pastry. Warm jam centres. And a perfect excuse for a midday conspiracy debrief.

Make them. Eat them. Share them (with me). Or else.
– Stubby, Tangle & Trouble Snack Department (Acting Chief)