Entry #001: Muffins, Mayhem, and the Sudden Spike in My Heart Rate
Filed: 07:43 – Bramblewick Academy – Science Wing
Subject(s): Bellamy, M. (again)

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Objective:
Begin formal documentation of daily anomalies involving Marlowe Bellamy for future council reporting and my own sanity preservation.

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Initial Observation:
She was in the Science Wing. Again.
I entered expecting quiet. Order. Possibly microscopes.
Instead, I found Bellamy conducting what she described as a “very scientific muffin experiment,” which apparently involved a petri dish full of jam, a whisk taped to a Bunsen burner, and flour. Everywhere. Including her hair.

Important to note:

• Stubby was licking something he absolutely should not have been
• The muffins were multi-flavoured. Random. Possibly cursed.
• She smiled when she saw me. Not a regular smile. A smug one. The kind that suggests mischief. And… jam.

I don’t know why my ears went warm.

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Further Analysis:
I confiscated one of the muffins to maintain control of the situation.
Bit into it. Pickled onion.
She laughed so hard she dropped a test tube.
I told her off. I definitely told her off. Very professionally. Probably.

She rolled her eyes. Called me “Grumps McFrowny-Face.”
I called her “A walking health hazard.”
She winked.

I had to leave the room. Immediately. For reasons.

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Conclusion:
Bellamy remains a danger to lab safety, food hygiene standards, and — inexplicably — my brain function.

This log was meant to be objective.
It is no longer objective.

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Action Plan:

• Reassert personal boundaries.
• Avoid muffins.
• Do not let her smile like that again.
• …Or do.
• No. Wait. Yes. NO.

Sanity Level: Unclear.
Heartbeat: Slightly elevated. Possibly due to jam fumes. Definitely nothing else.

– R. Granger (Trying Very Hard Not to Spiral)